Unlikely Role-Models Part Deux: Men

Unlikely Role-Models Part Deux:  Men

Now, while there appear to be an explosion of websites, facebook groups, and blogs written by women, like me, for women like me going on and on and on about how hard the transition to grey is blah blah blah, there is one group of people, quite a large group  of people who are just quietly getting on with it. 

Men.

I like to think of myself as a feminist in the most basic sense that it means equality between the sexes.  Well in my book, that means it’s a two way street.  I know it’s not often us modern female types admit that we can learn something from men, but I’m suggesting this is one coming of age problemo that they appear to be coping with a lot better than us.  I repeat.  They are just GETTING ON WITH IT.

In an average week, I can think of many men who I meet who and who I know who are getting on with it.  Chaps who have effortlessly glided into greydom without a care. Here are some of them:

The chef from Birdies where I worked when I was 20 

The  Rugby coach and several rugby Dads

Pat, my slightly bonkers friend who is rowing from one end of the UK to the other on a giant skateboard with a paddle. http://www.justgiving.com/bigpush2012

The lovely man in the grocers.

The BF's hubby - A Captain of Industry.

The brickie - my Mother in Law's main squeeze who has been described as a 'Silverback'. 

Oh yeah, and the ex-husband, but I think that might have been my fault...

There is one massive reason why men seem to be apparently impervious to going grey.  It is because there is something else they are far more terrified of.  

Going bald. 

Do a test – go up to the first grey guy you see with a full head of hair and ask him if he minds being grey.  I bet a million defunct hair follicles he’ll say ‘Hell nooo!  At least I’m not bald yet!’

My darling dad and darling husband are both challenged in this department.  They both lost their hair in their early 20s, and while I’m sure it was awful, both of them admit it helped them get to the I DONT CARE stage much quicker.  They both decided I AM BALD, THEREFORE I AM, shaved it off and haven’t had to worry about what happens on the top of their heads, besides hat choice, ever since.  Phew.  Much worse to have glorious hair until you are 50, then see it thinning, so I’m told.  I applaud bald men!  And there’s us just worrying about a few grey hairs – PAH!

 

So because I’m celebrating the honesty of the silver foxes and the bravery of our bare headed heroes, and because, at a resting level, I’ve got a bit of a cruel streak, we’re going to have a little look at some fellas who are SO INSECURE they have made some dreadful hair decisions in the name of youth and vanity.  Enjoy.

Elton.  This is a double whammy - hair transplant AND fake fawn colour.  Money does not buy you cool Elton.  Uh-huh! 

Nicolas Cage.  Ok, so the pressures of being a Hollywood badboy when you're old enough to be a grandad must be quite extreme, so let's cut him a bit of slack.  But Robert De Niro didn't succumb...

Martin Sheen. – I love him, and thank god, it does look as though the dear boy has put away the ginger dye.  Come on man!  You brought down Colonel Kurtz!

Donald Trump – PPHHHOOOOAAAAWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!

Al Pacino – looking a little like an old lady with a bouffant.

David Cameron – our unelected Prime Minister.  Don’t tell me being shackled to old Clegg nuts hasn’t brought on a few grey ones Dave!

Brad Pitt – it must be hard to let go Braddykins, especially when you have HER.  But you aren’t fooling any of us.  I can tell a mile off when hair has been even slightly meddled with.  The boy is conflicted. The beard says it all...

And just to slightly redress the balance.  Here is one of my heros -  from 80s/90s punk band Siouxsie and the Banshees, now producing weird, spooky and wonderful scores for films.  Still so rock 'n' roll despite the years and the because of the silver.  

Men,  ignore the lads above and carry on JUST GETTING ON WITH IT!!

Steve Severin

Granny

It was only a matter of time.  I've been riding the wave of positive comments, compliments and encouragement for too long.  There had to be a flipside, and today I experienced it.

After dropping The Cheeky One off at school, I trundled round in the hail and rain to the local free government Children's Centre to take Captain Bibble (boy number 3) to the play group.  I was greeted by a friendly worker who asked if he had been before.  I told her he regularly comes to the centre with his childminder but she didn't know him.  The nice lady brought a clip board and registration form back and said, 'So he's here with Granny today then?'.

And there you have it.  Granny.  I mean WTF???!!!!!  I told her I was, in fact, his mum and I saw her quickly do a visual reassessment of my body, clothes, face finally looking, frowning in fact, at my hair.

'Um, it wasn't me that said that!'  She lied in a high pitched voice, 'it was one of them!'  Waving her arm behind her vaguely at the group of snaggle toothed chavs in similar red tabards hanging about by the office.

'Is it my grey hair?' I asked, remaining fairly calm, kind of enjoying the squirming embarrassment of the woman.

'Hahahaha,' she laughed, 'I just re-dyed mine this morning!  Hahaha,  it's meant to be blonde.  Hahahaha'

I walked away.

She then proceeded to follow me for an hour being VERY NICE and asking lots of questions about me and my family.  I didn't really talk back.  I took the time to look around the room.  There were two other silver haired women there, probably 20 years older than me, and half the women there were probably my age or 5 years younger.  The rest were all very young mums in their early 20s.  

It made me realise that my cohort of mums, my contemporaries have all had our children relatively late.  And for those of us who, shall we say, have a happy accident after we thought we were done, that last child does indeed make us an older mum.  But I'd got used to the other mums I met a the school gate being my age or just a little younger, especially those with several children.

Does having grey hair REALLY make that much difference to people's perception?  Well, yes, apparently it does.  Bar the sick pleasure I got from making this slightly blundering lady feel uncomfortable, I spend that hour feeling very uncomfortable myself.  What have I done?  I thought.  Why would anyone want to be instantly categorised as a 'granny' when they are only 42?  I'm still mulling it over now.  

But hang on a minute!  I could very well be a granny.  I could quite conceivably be a grandmother.  I could have a daughter or son of 22 who has a child of 2.  To be honest, there are some places round here where I could quite easily be a great-grandmother at 42 but that's another story...

I spent the rest of the time there talking with a fellow professional mum (not grey) about the usual work/life pressures which made me quite forget the incident until the end of the session.  The centre manager brought a 'quick questionnaire' over for us to fill out.

'It'll only take a minute - there's not too much personal information for you to fill out.'  She smiled.

The third question was 'how old are you?'.

My friend balked, 'Oh god!  Do we have to say?'

'Sorry', smiled the centre manager.

I smiled back. 'One of your staff referred to me as a 'granny' earlier.'

'Oh I'm so sorry!  I mean, well, you don't look like a granny!  And it wasn't me!'

I continued to smile.

As I left, she shimmied over.  'I'm sorry someone upset you.'

'I really don't care.  It's fine.'

'That's the spirit, rise above it!'  She said waving us off cheerily.

Yup, rising above it.

Pass the Baton

Today was momentous.  Today I cut the final 3mm of yellowy blonde from my fringe.  I have fully transitioned into a proper grey haired lady.  It took 8 very difficult months. I was sort of expecting to feel jubilant but it's all rather scary.  I'm on The Other Side...

However, something has shifted.  I have PASSED THE BATON.  

What do I mean by that?  I mean I'm not playing the game anymore.  I have passed the baton to fertile women 20 years younger than me.  I have passed the baton to any woman who can still be bothered to dye their hair to try and look younger.  I have passed the baton of effort and I've settled for, well, just me.  And that is a huge relief.

I realise now that I've been in a bit of a 'let myself go' thing - not exercising like I normally do, not eating as healthily, inevitably putting on weight whilst my shaved hair was growing out the new grey.  I literally wanted to be invisable.  If I could have hibernated in a little croft in the Scottish Highlands, I would have.

Well, I don't know if it's Spring, or if it's because I've reached the end of one journey and am beginning a whole new one, but suddenly I feel much more like I want to be visable and I want to look after myself again.   So I asked The Husband to take some shots of me with my fully grey hair.

And I feel sort of ok about it....

One rather disturbing new discovery this week though.  I have been checked out by men again. No, not men in their 30s, or even 40s.  But men in their 50s and 60s AND BEYOND.  Who knew????!!!!!  It's a bit like having your dad or a teacher eyeing you up.  It doesn't help that my father in law is only 52....yeah, you work that one out.  

So yes, be warned if you transition not only do you pass the baton, you are also very clearing wearing a massive flashing grey neon sign that says: 

NOW RECEPTIVE TO INTEREST FROM MUCH OLDER MEN.

It's taking some adjustment but it's all part of me accepting that I'm not a young woman anymore, which is precisely why I've done this.  I've only got myself to blame!   

Why Women in the News is no Grey Area

Have you watched British News Broadcasts lately?  Or for that matter,  the bulk of British terrestrial TV?  Spotted many women with grey hair?  No?  Spotted many men with grey hair - yes?  I thought so.  Here are some of the female faces  past and present, that were in key roles on our TVs.  One thing they have in common, yep, they are all gorgeous, and yep, none of them, despite their age are even remotely grey whilst in their high profile positions.

Much loved and admired Kate Adie - hard as nails - now seems to have 'hair for radio'.  Her hair looks lovely too.

Moira Stewart - disappeared from TV news just as her male contemporaries moved into prime anchor positions.

Emily Maitlis - her influential role may mean she is under pressure to  keep the greys away.,

Ruth Langsford - much loved  TV show host and wife of Eammon Holmes.  She has said on her show This Morning that she is as 'grey as a badger'.  Ruth would look stunning if she let her grey grow though.

Sian Williams - still presenting BBC Breakfast News, but how long before she's passed over for a younger presenter?

British TV is awash with highly respected older news journalists and TV presenters with a fine head of gorgeous grey hair - there's on other thing they all have in common.  They are all men.  Here are some of them:

Pip Scholfield - who recently admitted on his prime time show that his old employers the BBC, had suggested he dye his hair when the silver began to show.  He left - good for him, he looks great.

Trever MacDonald - a British Institution in Broadcasting.

Cheeky old Eammon Holmes, co-host This Morning with his wife Ruth.

Jon Snow - hugely respected anchor for the Channel 4 News.  

The Paxman - unafraid of anyone.

Huw Edwards, lovely Welsh accent presenting the BBC news.

Jonathan Dimbleby - another British journalist generations have come to trust and admire.

It seems obvious to me that not only do older women need to be more visable on our TV screens, but their employers need to access, nay, encourage older women to look their ages in the way they have for men.  Only when women with grey hair are represented in roles with a high public profile as strong, intelligent, cultured, funny, artistic, and important other than in politics (where there are thankfully a few great role models) will the perception of women with grey hair change and become one that is seen as positive.

Come on Ruth - be the first and let your badger out for a frollicking!!  

The one glaring exception - maybe the BBC dished out the same advice to this news reader as they did to Philip Schofield all those years ago?  John Sopel sporting a helmet of dyed black hair.  Because he's worth it. Or at least his salary is...

Unlikely role models - Part 1: The Anglican Church

Seeing as it's Sunday,  I thought I would focus on my first group of unlikely role models - the ladies of the Anglican Church.  I'm not a religious type, and I don't know much about the requirements of being a vicar or a bishop these days, but what seems obvious to me is that dyeing your hair simply is not appropriate if you want to be on God's team.  These ladies are certainly rocking those frocks and the grey locks!

Some divine inspiration.....and really, there's no irony intended.  I think these women have very nice hair!

The venerable Kay Goldsworthy in action with a massive biscuit.  Just like any Hollywood star who knows their craft, Kay clearly realises that Cathedral lighting is very flattering for her hair colour.

These ladies prove bright red works really well with silver locks

Here is a man bishop patting the lady bishops on the head in praise of their natural hair choice.

A bit of crook work - notice how the silver crook serves to enhance the silver twinkles of her  hair.

Purple looks great with silver hair - not sure the red lipstick was wise, maybe go for a pale pink next time...

A very shiney silver barnet.  

Kay Goldsworthy looks up to Heaven and  says thanks for her lovely silver locks!

L'Oreal - It ain't worth it...

By popular demand,  here are a few more 'greyovers' for your astute consideration.  Please note,  this is just meant to be a bit of FUN.  Anyone who thinks I spend more than about 30 seconds 'greyovering' any  of these ladies is bonkers.  For goodness sake - I could be watching the rugby!

Ok - the Mother in law has requested the Loose Women.  To those of you outside the UK, this is an incredibly awful daytime 'chat' programme with some women slagging off men and alluding to how much or how little sex they have.  I actually used to like some of the women on it, until they were on it.  It's like the death kiss of coolness.  I've only done one 'Loose Woman' (Janet Street Porter) but eventually, I will do them all, dear MIL.

The others, again by request from my dear old friend Pip (a very talented actress who has actually been on TV!!) are some of the L'Oreal ladies.  Because they are worth it.

I'm very tired.  I turned 42 yesterday - had a night out in London last night, and did the Lucien Freud exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery this morning, so please excuse the poor quality of the obvious photoshopery.  

Love and peace, love and peace.  

WOW!  Andie MacDowell.  Very beautiful.  Thousands of English women still loath  her  because  she  copped off with Hugh Grant in 4 Weddings.  But admit it, she looks stunning with grey hair.  You are worth it Andie, you were in Sex, Lies and Videotape for Goodness sakes!!  

Penelope Cruz.  It is very likely you could have wonderful twinkly grey  and silver, but whether your lucrative L'Oreal contract means we will ever see it is very debatable.  What a shame.  Good actress. 

I doubt we will ever know if Cheryl goes grey.  We are more likely to find out  what type of silicon she has her boobs made out of...

Janet Street Porter.  She could look chic with grey hair, dontcha think?

BBC Mark Thompson Pays Llip Service to our Ladies

In the news today, Mark Thompson, current Director General of the BBC is reported to have said 'the BBC must change - older women should no longer feel they're invisable'.  In the Daily Mail (only get it for the cross word and to understand what the enemy are up to - honest), he then goes on to list all the wonderful older women that have been involved in BBC production recently.  It's an impressive list, with some of our most loved critics, journalists, characters and actresses:

Gillian Anderson, Jennifer Saunders, Joanna Lumley, Sue Perkins, Penelope Keith, Mary Berry, Kirsty Wark, Martha Kearney, Sarah Montague, Fiona Bruce.

This feels like lip service, when only recently the BBC had to pay out a huge amount (of tax payers money) to compensate Miriam O'Rielly for passing her over for a younger woman to present Countryfile.  Apparently, they suggested she have botox.  For COUNTYRFILE.  Now don't get me wrong, I love it.  I'm a country loving, horse riding, treking, running, veg growing kind of gal, but honestly, who gives a toss what the presenters of Countrybloodyfile look like!  Apart from John Craven of course who is THE ONLY man over 60 who, well,  you know....given the opportunity and a hay stack.  Ahem...

They sacked Miriam because they thought she was too old.  And now Thompson is wittering on about this long list of women they have that proves they are fair.  They are not.  And neither are Channel 4 or ITV.  For US TV stations I imagine it's even worse.  

So let's take a look at these women Mark Thomson has listed as his vangard to prove the BBC is doing it's bit for older women.  They have one thing in common and it isn't the BBC.  It 's that they are very intelligent, clever, beautiful, brave and honest women.  And let's have more of them.  

Goodbye Mark Thompson, God knows what you will do next, but I bet it won't be something that champions older women.  I bet you write a book about being Director Boring General of the BBC then join Tony Blair on the the after dinner speech circuit.

Big question in England - not who is going to be the next female Prime Minister (Harriet Harmen?) , rather  will there ever be a female Director General of the BBC?

Sue Perkins  - Gorgeous.   And funny too.   Very.

Penelope Keith - As Margo in 70s sitcom A Good Life,  she led the way along with Alison Steadman in  Abigail's Party on cocktail dressing in suburbia.  What a star. 

Mary Berry
The woman can make cake.

Kirsty Wark.  My Dad is Glasweigan and I can't help it, I just have an obsession with Scottish  everything.  Kirsty is fantastic.  A typical Scot, and the sterotype IS wrong.  Scots are very intelligent, warm, engaging, and generous.  But yes, she does have that other quality the Scots possess, she is fearless in the face of opposition.  Let's just remind ourselves, for the benefit of the English, who the Romans found it impossible to defeat??  Oho yes. The Scots.  And What's left to show it, a massive great big wall, that's what. (Hadrian's Wall for the benefit of those that don't know).  Just in case you needed reminding, you know, in the lead up to whether the Scots decide they need England anymore....( not to mention all that oil.)

The Loverly Joanna Lumley.  My Grand Dad facied her, My Dad fancies her, my husband fancies her and I fancy her.  And quite frankly, you'd have to be bonkers not to fancy her.  She is a LEGEND.

Jennifer Saunders.  Oh God.  I just LOVE HER. Ever since Comic Strip.  And  as Edina , obviously.  I still  litter my  rants to my children with inappropriate things she shouted at Saffy.  They don't get the intertextual references, but they haven't complained of emotional abuse yet...

Fiona Bruce - I have an opinion about The Bruce - more about her in another blog about posh English birds, coming soon.

Gillian Anderson as Miss Haversham in the recent adaptation of Dicken's  Great Expectations.  More about Miss Havershams in a blog coming your way soon...