Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Hair Nazi Nicky Clarke Bans Royal Greys

Hair Nazi Nicky Clarke Bans Royal Greys

Foppish English ex-Royal hairdresser, Nicky Clarke has recently been spouting off about The Duchess of Cambridge's grey re-growth.  The lovely royal abstained from using harmful dye - as recommended even by the manufacturers themselves, whilst pregnant and by doing so created a media storm of interest about her (SHOCK/HORROR) grey hair.  

Ginger, floppy haired Nicky, clearly bitter for being passed over as favoured hairdresser for the royals was reported as saying, 'Kate needs to get rid of her grey hair - it's not a good look.'

Now, please accept my apologies - I read this in the Daily Mail.  You must understand I only read this to know what the enemy are up to (and coz my Mum likes the cross word bit in the middle). But even I was shocked.  Obviously - if you look at him, me, or in fact Kate, could take him out with one headbutt of our hideous grey heads, but actually - WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS???

Well - let's see shall we...

He has the smallest Wikipedia entry ever...Nicky Clarke - that can't only be representative of the length of his scissors right?

He has the worst hair EVER.  Here he is through the ages.  Please enjoy as you stroke your hideous silver locks....

I''m a Lion, RAAA!

Hmm.  Maybe I shouldn't have slagged off the wife of the future King of England...

Eh up love, you look more like a bloke than I do.

Heavy.  And that's not just the beard.  Some serious fat camo going on here in the chin department.

Liking the medallion.  Englebert Humperkinck eat your heart out.

His chins came to the press conference to give him support.

Swedish porn star 


And so we see Nicky Clarke - no matter what his credentials 'doing' women's hair, is hardly in a position to comment on our lovely Kate's barnet.  He's like the worst of builders whose own house is a crumbling wreck, a complete eyesore that the local council and neighbours want torn down.  

So here is the offensive hair he talks about:

The Duchess of Cambridge 




A disgrace to our national identity!!

Letting down the whole of womankind!!

Except she isn't.  Here are some other choice things he (allegedly) said:

'Unfortunately, it's the case for women - all women - that until  you're really old, you can't be seen to have grey hairs.'

No?  Come and stop  me fop head.

'It's different for men, They can go grey and still be considered attractive.'

Well maybe - if they were attractive in the first place.  You don't stand a chance then CLARKE.

'Kate is such a style icon, even a few strands of grey would be a disaster.'

Bhopal was a disaster.  Chernobyl was a disaster.  Ebola was, and is a disaster.  A few strands of grey hair on the head of a woman in her 30s IS NOT A DISASTER!

Thank you Nicky Clarke, for reminding me exactly why I will never dye my hair again.  It's exactly because of 'men' like you.  :)


  1. Ha! I also read this yesterday... not that I usually read the Mail Online or anything, and had the same thoughts as you.... Nicky Clarke will never be George Clooney.
    Thank you for giving him a well deserved slap :-)